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As to why it took me so long - it seems most of the reasons have
already been mentioned by others ...

Firstly I was brought Mikes apartment up as a Roman Catholic. I went to RC schools
for all my school life. There was little taught about sex, and most
of that was "naughty naughty stuff - wait 'til you're married"
sorts of things. As such I had little understanding of sexuality or
sex, and had NO role models to speak of. The city I grew up in -
Wollongong - is very working class and yobbo/macho. No poofters
here! At least that's the way it seemed.

At the same time, when I was in High School, the other boys picked
on me every day pretty much - verbal and physical harrassment for
years. They called me a poofter, Cock Brutality even though I didn't quite really
understand what it meant. All I knew was they they got bashed (like
I was) and killed, and that everyone thought they were disgusting
perverts etc. The local media never helped - Wollongong is a
working class town and all the local media ever wrote about
homosexuals was stories where they could also include the word
Paedophiles or Perverts in big headlines.

Just as my sexuality was starting to take hold when I was 15 I came
up with a grand scheme to do away with all these confusing emotions
- I became VERY religious. You see - Catholic priests took vows of
celibacy - and that was my answer. I was going to be a priest so I
didn't have to discuss my sexuality at all! I also joined a pretty
fundementalist youth group - that didn't help much either. So, I
hid it all away, deep deep away.

By the time I was mike in brazil18 I was moving fast out of the religious phase -
but University became my next vehicle of sublimation. Yes, I got my
distinctions and high distinctions with veritable ease - I didn't
have much else to think about. I learned Sign Language and within a
year I was teaching and 69 XXX interpretting it - amazing. I didn't have
much else to do. I masturbated like a jackhammer night after night
about the men I met - but sort of assumed that when I reached an
appropriate age that all of a sudden I would change. Ha!

Occasionally during Uni I saw ads for the Gay Soc. on campus. I
thought about going and it turned me on so much that it scared me.
I never went. That Reality Porn was for poofters and I wasn't one of them
limp-wristed perverts! Seems that I learnt too well in High School!

After I finished my undergard degree and started on a Masters/job,
I started to open up. I started to get interested in Drama and
writing. I started going to parties. I started experimenting
sometimes with drugs, or We Live Together different types of music. I even tried
this 'sex thing' with a few women - but whenever they'd be trying
to snog with me on their lounge, I'd secretly be eyeing off their
male flatmates or brother or someone. Nope - that wasn't right for
me. The longest I could hold a relationship Shemale together was about 3
weeks.