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I wasn't lonely, because I had many terrific friends, and still do. But I was alone. And in the first couple of months after I came out, while I was trying to get my head together and catch up with myself, I had my period of anger about "wasted youth", and the fact that I let myself miss my twenties ... all those years of potential relationships and love (and yes, sex) lost because I was afraid to come out. (I've seen several other coming out posts here that expressed similar feelings.) I've gotten over
that, though, for the most part.

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For so many years, from high school to graduate school and beyond, I had simply denied what I was feeling, even though I *knew* who and what I was, ever since I was a kid. It was probably 1989 or 1990 before I even began to come out to myself. When I finally came out to myself, I told myself, "Well okay, I accept it ... but I'm *never* coming out. Ever." This, of course, would doom me to a lifetime of loneliness. Or rather, being alone. For a long time, I had actually resigned myself that that would be the case.

So ovethe past four years or so, I gradually came out to myself more
and more, and began to consider the possibility of one day, way down the
line, coming out to someone else. There was so much along the way that
helped me. I found some books and did a lot of reading. Bangboat And there
were little things, things that might sound trivial to some -- such as,
for instance, Mark Slackmeyer, the Doonesbury character with whom I had
always most closely identified, having come out in the strip. Another
shaggy-haired, campus hell-raising, Shemale public radio guy! Cute, too.
Of course, he's fictional, but nobody's perfect ...

And I have to tell y'all ... perhaps *the* We Live Together main thing that helped me come
out was getting Usenet access and finding this newsgroup. It was a
wonderful revelation, Cumshots having the ability to read about others who have
this in common with me -- for the most part happy, intelligent, educated,
warm, witty people. I really needed to hear about real people, talking
about the lives, their experiences, their comings out, both positive
and negative, noting their reading recommendations ...

Everything helped, even the flamewars; as dumb as flamewars can be, I
learned from them, too. All of this was Gay boys of indescribable help to me.
Believe it. And thanks very much.