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I lived at home all through college, until I was 20, and at one point
even swore to myself that I would commit suicide if my parents ever found
out. That's how bad I thought their reaction would be. I'm thankful
that it never came to my having to make that decision, and I now question
if I would have really seriously considered it had they found out about me.
Still, I can't imagine what would have happened had they found out
while I was still living at home and under their control.

In order to keep them (and anyone else) from finding out, I simply put a
wall around my sexuality. If I didn't practice it, if I kept what I knew
*completely* to myself, they couldn't find out.

When I finally moved away to go to graduate school, I still kept the
wall up. I suppose I could have come out then (and sometimes wish I
had), but I was still financially dependent on my parents. Even though
I was 2000 miles away, my fear still kept me in the closet. The closet
had become ... comfortable, familiar. It just became so easy to keep it
up; I had been at it for so long that I had gotten very used to it, and
it seemed to me that I could keep up the facade without too much effort.

This has 8th Street Latinas been a long time coming, and I figured that today was probably a more appropriate day to do this than any other. And as I've been lurking
in this newsgroup for well over a year and a half, I wonder if I'll be
eligible for some kind of Longest WeLiveTogether Overbaked Muffin award ... My apologies for the appalling length of this post, but this has been
bottled up for a long time, and I've got a lot to talk about. I'm sure
some of it will look familiar, tranny surprise but I hope y'all can bear with me. I came out on Sunday, October 17, 1993 (having missed last year's NCOD
by six days), at the age of 30, about two minutes after my one of my very
best friends came out to me. And it was about time, too. I had finally,
after years of struggle, come to Mikes Apartment terms with my sexuality. In retrospect,
I guess I had probably come out to myself as fully as I could by that
point, although at the time, my only shrieking thought was that I was
*NOT* ready this!A big part of my problems in dealing with this stemmed from extremely homophobic Catholic parents (more on that later). Nothing I ever felt
seemed abnormal or unnatural to me, but whenever the subject InTheVip came up
from parents, peers and church, I heard nothing but hate and demonization.
So, during the entire time that Shemale I lived at home, my homosexuality was my
"Dark Secret".